Building Your Serenity
When the focus of recovery is not using there is often a failure. An attempt to not use is an effort at denying the flesh. It can only last so long... kind of like swearing off chocolate. A person can last for awhile, but how much effort is involved?
A successful recovery is one where the individual actively pursues his or her serenity. The first word of importance in the previous sentence is actively. One cannot sit still and hope recovery will find them. The second word of importance is pursue. Think of an officer on the show “COPS.” When he is in pursuit of a criminal, he isn’t relaxed with one hand on the steering wheel having a casual conversation with his partner. No, he is leaned forward, focused and intent on catching what he is after. We must have the same determination in recovery.
I have heard from countless graduates how easily they found their serenity inside the walls of Calvary, but once they got back into the real world it seemed elusive and difficult to find. At times when it seemed too difficult, some graduates simply stopped trying.
No doubt, when the outside world is removed as a stressor it is easier to find your internal serenity. Removing the distractions is paramount to giving the early recovering person a chance to make it. However, as all of you have found out, 30 days of residential treatment isn’t going to keep anyone sober if they don’t apply the lessons learned to their everyday life.
Life around you is going to go at its own pace. Your every fiber doesn’t have to keep up. Slow your heart and mind down and strive to keep the inner peace from being affected by the outside world. It’s like a sturdy structure in the middle of a storm. The inside environment isn’t affected by the storm that is raging outside.
Serenity is that sturdy structure in the storm. The key to maintaining serenity isn’t about the environment you’re in. It’s about the environment you create within. You have absolutely no control over things outside of you.
Applying the serenity prayer is a great start to building your serenity. Most of us only know the first part of the prayer. Below you will find the prayer in its entirety.
The Serenity Prayer
A Pastor from Detroit, Reinhold Niebuhr, is credited with being the author of the serenity prayer for use in a sermon. The full version of the prayer is…
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His will;
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever and ever in the next.
A quick study of this prayer reveals the following:
“The things I cannot change” are too many to count.
The following is a list of what I can change. I can change my…
- Attitude
- Thoughts
- Body language
- The way I talk to people
- How much I choose to listen
- How much I smile
- How much I pray
- My conscious contact with God
Remember that God deals out life one day at a time, and we can only live one moment at a time. If we are focused on the past, our overwhelming feelings will be remorse and guilt. If we are focused on the future our overwhelming feelings will be fear and anxiety. God calls Himself, “I am.” The only way to have God’s serenity is to be focused on the present. The secret to serenity isn’t removing hardship. It is accepting turmoil as the pathway to peace. I have said it a bit simpler in many groups and lectures. “The key is learning to be okay, not being okay.”
Finally, let God be God and quit trying to do His work for Him. Instead, do His work with Him.
Remember the little things you learned at Calvary. Not so much what the counselors taught you, but what God revealed to you in your private moments. He wants you to have His peace. The storm doesn’t. The storms of the world will rob every ounce of peace from you if you do not tighten down the structure of your heart.
Life is busy enough. Going faster won’t make it less busy. Slow down at every opportunity and make serenity a priority. Resist the temptation in the morning to rush out the door with the thought, “I don’t have time to read or meditate.” You don’t have time not to.
Take that extra time to slow down and read one single verse from the Bible or a line out of the Daily Reflections book. The cost to your time for doing so will be the equivalent of sitting at one traffic light. The cost to your serenity if you don’t will be much greater.