To Thine Own Self Be True
Just a couple of weeks ago I was in Nashville at the American Association of Christian Counselors Conference. The theme of the conference was “Grace and Truth.” Because I am always seeking an inspiration for Calvary’s newsletters I decided “truth” would be a great topic for both articles.
As I pondered the idea, a quote kept ruminating in my mind. I have heard the saying many times, “To thine own self be true,” but never researched it thoroughly. I found it is actually a line from Shakespeare’s work “Hamlet.” The full quote is…
To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day,
thou canst not then be false to any man.
This line appears near the end of a long farewell speech. It carries a good recovery message. If you are honest with yourself, it follows you will be honest with others.
The recovering addict knows all too well that the contrary is equally true. If we lie to others, eventually we will lie to ourselves. People in recovery need to stay on guard for old habits emerging. These old habits can be an old behavior or an old thought pattern.
In our addiction we have to lie to survive. We learn to be “expert” liars. We know with whom we can play dumb, who we can be aggressive and who we can be coy all in an effort to stay in our addiction and avoid any threat to our using. But all this lying to others comes at a price.
The addict experiences an inner turmoil as the “addict” personality begins to argue with the true “self” personality. This inner turmoil causes an increased level of stress that can only be silenced through a denial system. When one part of an individual knows the truth, yet another part of that individual expresses a lie, the natural result is stress.
Stress causes an immediate reaction in the body. Blood pressure, heart rate and respirations all increase. Lie detectors function by measuring these physiological changes. The stress caused by lying is both immediate and measurable. Instant relief from that stress is why most people use drugs and alcohol.
Those of us in recovery know it is difficult to manage the two personalities within. The “addict” personality wants instant gratification while the “self” personality insists on patience to achieve long-term goals. The real test of “being true to oneself” is being honest with both of these “personalities.”
Let’s put this into practice with a situation many recovering people face.
Joe is about to have surgery. It will be a rather painful experience. One of Joe’s first thoughts is, “Should I take pain pills after the surgery?”
Joe has a tough decision to make, but to his credit he is being true to himself. Most recovering people make two types of errors in this circumstance. The first to avoid this internal dialogue through self-denial. The second error is to rely on someone else’s opinion. This is because we tend to seek out someone who will tell us what we want to hear. That way if there is a failure, it will be someone else’s fault.
Of course, we should seek counsel of people we trust, but ultimately we must make the choice.
Consider these three steps as a guide to greater self-truth.
- Accept the inner turmoil as part of life’s struggle
- Think through all of the pros and cons of the decision
- Be honest with your feelings regarding the pros and cons
Should he take the pain pills following surgery? That is not for anyone to decide but Joe. He should gather input from people he trusts. He needs to weigh the risks and the benefits. He should allow himself to experience all of the associated feelings with such a decision. But when all is said and done, the most important thing is that Joe can lay his head down at night and know he was honest with himself.